What it means to be an ally

It’s a tricky thing to define what it is to be an ally. There are many different approaches and ways to go about it but perhaps the single most important thing to remember is, it’s about action. Thinking about doing something is of no use to anyone. The support, the change, the difference is made when you actually do it. Ask questions when you think you’ve heard something that isn’t acceptable, object if someone is behaving in a discriminatory way. Take some time to talk to your colleagues about things that you can all do to make your workplace more inclusive. Support members of underrepresented groups when they ask you for support. The important thing is to make sure your good intentions translate into actions.

It’s really important to say here, this isn’t about saving anyone. It’s not about being the hero and speaking on behalf of other people. You absolutely should object if you hear something biased or discriminatory but make sure that you are objecting on your own behalf. This doesn’t mean making yourself the centre of attention, it does mean taking responsibility for being part of a social group and therefore one element of deciding what is and isn’t acceptable in that group. 

Something that doesn’t seem to get talked about as much is what happens when you are trying to act as an ally and you get it wrong? We need to talk about this. Research tells us that thinking about potential obstacles and making a plan around how to deal with them is one essential step towards achieving your aim. The important thing here is to acknowledge that things will not always go as planned. And that’s ok. When things aren’t going well it’s much harder to react in the best way in the moment - so make a plan now. What will you do if someone tells you that you said the wrong thing? How will you react in a way that isn’t defensive or denies the mistake? And crucially, what are you going to do differently next time to ensure you grow as an ally?

Much of the reluctance we hear to people being an ally is a feeling that it’s ‘not their place’ to speak up. If you’re not part of the group being targeted, is it really appropriate for you to speak up and object? At The Honeycomb Works, we would say that absolutely it is your place (with a strong reminder not to speak over or on behalf of others - make the objection your own objection!). And for a couple of reasons. The first is that it’s exhausting to be the person who is the target of discrimination or bias and it’s even more exhausting to then have to correct, object or just highlight that it’s a problem. Secondly, being part of an underrepresented group in a workplace means it’s likely you’ve had to work harder to get (and stay) in the position you’re in. If you have to do the work of correcting other people’s mistakes as well - that’s a huge cognitive load.

And if you’re still not convinced, research shows that if you’re not the target of a biased comment and you speak up, you’re more likely to be listened to and therefore your objection is more likely to be effective. It may be uncomfortable, but remember it is more uncomfortable for the people who are the targets of discrimination and if you claim you want to live in a more inclusive, fair society then you’re going to have to do something about it.