Becoming an Ally: Challenging bias using the power of questions
At our open ‘How to be an Ally’ event last week the focus was very much on how to take steps towards becoming an ally. While self education is essential, so is action.
We talked through a number of small, daily actions each person can take, focussed largely on de-normalising biased comments and actions at work. We gave attendees evidence based actions that are all shown to help create a more inclusive environment. When we asked them which of the actions they wanted to work on, 71% of them said they wanted to try to use the strategy of asking questions, like ‘what do you mean’, when they hear something biased.
How is that going to help?
When we talk to people at work about their experiences we hear a lot of different types of stories of bias, harassment and bullying. The ones that stick with me, of course, are the cases of serious harassment or discrimination - nasty racist comments on internal discussion boards or a manager sidelining a woman after refusing his advances. These stories don’t happen in isolation. In teams and organisations where the extreme incidents occur, there are always also many smaller micro aggressions. Day to day ‘normal’ behaviours that people let slide.
When the little remarks, jokes and comments are ignored, it gives permission for them to continue. It says ‘yeah that’s fine’ and then those small things happen more often, getting larger and more pervasive. Because the perpetrators aren’t called out, they continue to cause harm to those around them or even escalate their behaviour.
The tough part is that in our minds people who are racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic or ableist are bad people. They aren’t our friends or respected colleagues. But that isn’t the reality. The reality is we all can and do say things and behave in ways that are biased and discriminatory. It can be hard to know where to start having this conversation with a colleague, especially if you don’t have much power.
This is where questions come in.
One of the simplest (although still not always easy) things to start with when you hear someone saying something derogatory or discriminatory, is to ask questions.
Can you repeat that?
What do you mean?
Why do you think that?
Can you explain what you mean by that?
I don’t know what that word means?
Can you explain why that’s funny?
We often think when we hear something we have to have the perfect response or we shouldn’t say anything. But questions can be really effective. They can also help you clarify if part of the issue is you’re not entirely sure what you just heard. Asking questions like this typically leads to one of two things happening:
i. The speaker gets the little social cue and realises the error of their ways - that what they said was not great, or accurate, or highly biased and retracts or rephrases.
ii. They do not realise the error of their ways and proceed to explain - this typically results in lots of vagueness or more specific bias. Either way you can push and ask more questions.
When I worked in-company in Talent & HR this was a technique I used a lot - especially during meetings with managers about employee performance or recruitment interviews.
Rationales for promotion or recruitment decisions are often laden with bias. I heard justifications for decisions like ‘she’s too aggressive, ‘he’s strong and assertive’, ‘they just don’t look the part’ and ‘she isn’t committed enough’.
Responding to these comments with questions such as ‘what do you mean’, ‘can you give me some examples’ could be very effective. It also highlighted to other people in the room that they could jump in and challenge too.
All without being aggressive or accusatory. It’s important to be very direct when needed, but research has shown that if someone thinks you are calling them a racist, while it might result in them thinking twice next time (so still a positive outcome), it is more likely to get a negative reaction in the moment. It is also less likely to have an impact on their mindset and behaviour than an approach that allows them to maintain their identity as a ‘good person’.
It doesn’t solve the ingrained structural issues embedded in these processes, or in most organisations and it most definitely isn’t the end of the discussion. But if calling out discrimination is new or you’re struggling to have these conversations with people more senior to you it does allow you to start to challenge and highlight bias, on a regular basis.